.are you there god? it’s me, Meagen.


I’m trying to figure out. Well, I’m going to stop myself there. My sponsor always tells me if I’m trying to figure something out, that’s my problem. I’m holding the reigns too much and not letting room for God. But I’m really struggling right now. It’s been 4 months since I’ve been out of work, save for the 2 weeks I worked in Sept, and I am no closer to finding a job or “figuring out” what’s next for me and making money. The last few jobs I’ve booked, I found out right after that they’ve been cancelled and the booking has been taken away.

After doing variations of the same job for the last 17 years, I’m also considering a complete career shift which can be difficult after making a certain amount of money for those years that I’ve become accostomed to. But as I sit here typing, I suppose any money is better than the $0 I’m currently bringing in.

The thing I’m struggling with the most right now is that fine line between staying humble and knowing what you’re worth. How do you tow that line so that you’re not swaying so much to one side or the other? If I am considering a shift, how can I maintain the salary or close to it given the experience and skills I can bring to the table while also remaining teachable and knowing I have something to learn?

The other transitions in my life – between roles – seemed to be a little more clear. After reception, I took the path towards becoming a producer. When the economy crashed and 4 of 5 editors left our LA office, I moved to the NY office. When I was let go from my first real job, I knew I could and wanted to freelance. When I found a company that offered comparable salary & balance to freelance life, I went staff. When that turned sour, I went with one of the editors to his new company and helped build it from the ground up. I stayed for 7.5 years, and after trying to grow in several different areas, felt as though I had accomplished everything I wanted in the role, in the company, and in boutique editorial in general. And that leaves me here. So. What else is out there? It’s not film, I didn’t love the people as much as I thought and I constantly felt out of place. TV could be interesting, but it doesn’t move the needle far enough for me. The people are somewhere between film & advertising people. Music? I thought I wanted that, coming from being a DJ at my college radio station. But I’m not sure I want to enter into that at this stage – weirdly, it’s become less important as I’ve gotten older.

I guess you could say I have a passion for social media – always have. I enjoy the connection it can bring, the content people create, and I too enjoy creating content. I enjoy consuming both written and video content. Maybe I can be a part of it somehow? I guess this is why I write, huh? To sort through the gunk in my head to get clarity?

Are you there God? It’s me, Meagen. I surrender my next steps to you. Can you help me see what path is right for me to take?

Love, Meagen