i’m really good at getting things done when i’m avoiding doing something else. it’s like i really need to go to the grocery store, but i don’t want to so i’ll procrastinate by re-organizing my storage closet or cleaning out my medicine cabinet. it’s all productive procrastination, but at the end of the day i still really need to go to the grocery store or else i won’t have food. why do i actively put things off that inevitably need to be done?
i think, really, that i’m addicted to the rush – letting myself get to the point where there’s no denying that i NEED to accomplish whatever task or there will be dire consequences. the stakes need to be risen so that there will be anxiety and then panic and then the only way to get rid of the anxiety and panic is to accept that it needs to be done. and then to do it. and then there is calm. until the next task that i don’t want to do comes and then the cycle repeats itself. it’s maddening, really. but i still seem to get something out of it.
it’s the sunday night before going back into work after holiday break, which means sunday night anxiety is starting to rear it’s ugly head. that, and i’ve got the procrastination anxiety, so basically i am insane and i probably shouldn’t leave my apartment. i think i need to make a list so it helps sort everything into nice little manageable chunks, and i won’t have the fear that i’m forgetting something. if i don’t write things down, leaving everything whirling around in my head can seem overwhelming.
i’m also really tired for some reason so i hope i’m not getting sick. ugh.
