the crispy bits.

i am so crispy today. i’m having a lot of anxiety and i don’t feel like anything is working out and i’m completely overwhelmed by everything that is happening at my job and the constant changes that i’m forced to keep pivoting to fix to accommodate everyone. i am not a miracle worker, but yet a lot of the times i am able to make miracles happen so people keep asking me to do them. but i have to remember that i’m only one person who is doing the best she can, and sometimes a miracle isn’t possible and this is all we can offer and it has to be enough.

but i don’t understand why everything seems to not be working / break on the same day. i’m sitting down to stupid write and listen to stupid relaxing music and my stupid bluetooth or spotify or something isn’t working and it’s just reminding me of my website breaking when all i wanted to do was write and keep a habit and i don’t understand why everything just seems so freaking hard and annoying right now. oh also, i’m pmsing and we’re 3 days away from the 5 year anniversary of my dad’s death. so, i guess it’s just that.

i was telling a friend yesterday that i’ve gotten better about accepting that this week is always harder for me than i realize. i’m aware of it. and i’m moving into acceptance of it. so how can i be supportive of myself in it? slowing down. eating nutritious foods. letting go of my todo list. meditating. writing. and just letting myself feel all the crispy emotions. it’s ok to be frustrated and angry and sad and discouraged and depressed. i know enough now that these feelings won’t last forever. and i just have to allow myself the space to feel them so i can move through them. so with that, i’m going to find a shadow boxing workout and punch some stuff out. because F this.